“20 under 20″ Semi-Finalist: Marisa Femia

Twenty

By Marisa Femia, 16
New York

I thought that I was in love."  That is, I did until I looked into the mirror and saw what love had done to me. How it had taken over my body. How it pulled on my strings and whipped me left and right. And I, so pitifully engrossed in this trance, had done nothing. I had nothing to prevent this tragedy.

You might as well just call me Juliet. The girl who would do anything for her Romeo, who would die if she thought it meant saving the guy she thought she loved."  Meanwhile, Romeo was the one who led her body to decay.

With his enticing looks and velvet voice, there was no escape. I was under his spell, and I was sold. I had been branded by his steaming iron so many times. He left his mark all over my body, but yet I, so oblivious to the damage being done, continued to obey my master as he pulled my strings ever so playfully.

As I looked in the mirror now, memories flashed in my mind. They were memories and thoughts that I had overlooked before now because I was so enveloped in love, and so deeply under its spell. ."  These memories were images that infiltrated my mind, soaked through my pores, and swam through my bloodstream, and deep into my heart. " And at that moment, I felt like it was going to burst.

I closed my eyes and saw a tanned hand flash, with large and rough knuckles, a smooth palm with deep groves, and long fingers; fingers that laced around mine ever so often."  Next I saw this hand move from my own hand, up to my arms, and eventually to my face. And as he raised his hand, I woke up.

My eyes popping open, I looked into the mirror once again, and it was like I was looking at myself for the first time. It was so much like the first time that I barely recognized the girl staring back at me. She no longer had that tanned freckled skin, but skin plastered with purple and yellow blotches where she had been branded by the boy she thought she loved. She no longer had that twinkle in her eyes. They had always been full of hope, but now they were full of horror and despair.

I looked back at the girl in the mirror. There was no way that this girl could be me, but yet she mimicked my every movement.

In shock of this realization, I knew what I had to do. In a spur-of-the-moment decision, I grabbed my two brown suitcases, and let my closet and dresser throw up into them. I rushed into the bathroom and collected my toiletries, dumping them into my suitcase as well."  I gathered all the money I had saved, and ended by packing my computer and some books.

Halfway out the door, I peered back into my room at the remnants of things that used to represent me, and without hesitation I slammed the door of my bedroom. I left a note to my parents about how everything " would be okay, but really it turned out to be a mix of words about how I needed to get away for a little while, and that I would call them later. I ran outside into the chilly air that accompanied the brewing storm, and threw my belongings into the safety of my car.

But as I pulled out of my driveway, I realized that sometimes the right thing to do isn't always necessarily the easiest. It took me 20 years to realize that I wasn't a baby anymore. I didn't need somebody to steer me along a path anymore. Everything feels so real now. I can drive and drive and not worry about where the road will take me because at this point it doesn't even matter. I was restricted by the bars of this fantasy world I lived in and enjoyed for 20 years, but it was time that I broke out of those bars and lived a life that belonged to me only.

***

Three months later I stood in front of a judge, and next to me was the creature of a boy who I loved more than I could ever imagine. Mark was always slightly rebellious, and he always had a way of getting away with things. He always got away, but not this time. And despite the fact that he was in court, I knew the vibration of my phone in my dress pocket was a message from him. Technically, the trial did not start for another 10 minutes, so I decided to view the message. And that was when I read the most deadly three words that a 20-year-old girl could have read:

"I love you."

As if I were burned by those words, I placed my phone back into my pocket and dared myself to keep looking forward, but I could still feel his eyes scanning my body.It was as if his gaze were burning holes through me. It didn't matter if he truly loved me because I didn't love him anymore; I had finally broken out of that cage that restricted me from living for so many months. I had to save myself now; I had to be my own hero. I had been living in the cage of my heart, and when it was broken, I was set free.

I had surrounded myself with my family: Mama, Daddy, and my younger sister Courtney; I could never survive without their guidance. And today was certainly a situation that I could not handle on my own--for sure. Their protection was like an aura locking me in the center all free from harm.

I had all the proof I needed, and there was no shock that shivered through my body when they sentenced him to jail. There was no fear that lingered in my tissues when I looked across the way to see the freckled and tanned face staring back at me. But his face was different now--no longer full of that latent anger that festered inside him constantly."  His expression read something else now: regret.

I walked out of the courthouse and stepped out into the open sunshine, and it was like I had just been " reborn into this world of ours. I took a deep breath, tilted my head up to face South Carolina's bright sun on this new spring day, and I felt completely worry free. That was it. It was over. He couldn't hurt me anymore. I got into the Jeep, pulled onto the Interstate, and drove away leaving my old life behind. There was no looking back, and I didn't care. This was not the end, but a beginning instead. I was free. And as I approached that fork in the road, I took a deep breath and let my instincts guide me in a new direction.