Poetry: “A Cutter’s Fate”

Poem by Gezina Baehr, 14
Canada

Art by Hanna Thieme, 16
Massachusetts

There you are
Smiling at me
Behind a large wall
Pain is hard to see

Every new day
It's a vice
I need a relief
My wrists I slice

The fate I succumb to
Your memories invite
Me slowly falling
To hell in my flight

Masked behind make up
Hidden behind hair
Yet all the pain
I still boldly bear

My room is a shelter
My peace is a boat
Blood drips, blood falls
Feelings keep me afloat

Without nothing I'm useless
With pain I can feel
It fills me with something
Something that's real

So long ago
I remember it clearly
All feelings fled me
I lost my loved dearly

Since then I've been hiding
From the love I desire
I know he is gone
The one I admire

So everyday
I continue to weep
And everyday
I cut in so deep

Emotion evades me
So it's pain I create
The blade is my friend
Holding my own cutting fate

With every soft drip
Of the blood I do fell
I'm hurting so good
Dragging me deeper to hell

Sometimes they tell me
To let it all go
Yet I cannot
Would it be you I still know?

My madness invites
My heart is not hurting
I smile at the pain
My wrists always haunting

I continue to sink
Deeper in this rut
I continue to die
With every new cut

I do not mind
The pain I can bear
And with every cut
I get closer to there

Soon, my dear
Soon I will see
Your lovely blue eyes
Looking back at me

So the knife surges
I change its direction
Straight for my heart
It makes the connection

Finally I'm laughing
Emotions each breath
Finally I'm dying
Emotions during death

The light turns to dark
As I picture your face
My body shuts down
As I picture your place

A heaven so beautiful
I feel your warm gaze
A hell so frightening
I'm lost in this maze

Editor's Note:If you know someone who is cutting, or you have been cutting yourself, please get help immediately. A school counselor or family doctor can connect you with the professional help you need. For more information, be sure to read our upcoming article on cutting in our Fall 2011/Winter 2012 issue.

There are online resources, too:

www.doorofhope4teens.org An organization devoted to helping those who cut. Provides listening, resources, and referrals. Hotline: 1.888.HOPE.307

www.selfinjury.com S.A.F.E. (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives"  treatment information, support, and referrals 1.888.DONT.CUT