Guidance for Grown-Ups
November 2007
Taking the "mean" out of mean girls

This Discussion Guide contains the following Activity Sections:

1. The Answers to Your Questions



2. Problem Solving: Exploring Options, Giving Advice



3. Make a Historical and Global Connection: Changing Options

I. The Answers to Your Questions

The purpose of this activity is to think critically about the prevalence of “mean girls” and the costs and benefits of describing girls this way.

1. Ask the teens for a show of hands – how many have heard of “mean girls?” How many use the phrase? How many could describe what it means to be a “mean girl?” How many know or have known a “mean girl?”
   
   
2. The phrase “mean girls” was popularized when the movie of the same name came out in 2004. Ask the students to discuss whether or not they think girls have always behaved in a mean way (say since their moms or grandmothers were young), or was this movie shedding light on something new? Next, ask the teens to consider how they could figure out if girls’ behavior has changed over the last several decades. Who could they ask, or where could they turn for such data?



3. After teens have had a chance to speculate on changes in girls’ behavior, ask them to read “What the heck is ‘relational aggression?’” Let them know that relational aggression is also a recent concept, developed and defined by scholars working in the fields of psychology, sociology, and child development. Ask the teens to consider the value of helping teens understand relational aggression. Then give them a chance to read about the consequences of relational aggression in “Why should you care?”
   
   
4. While there are benefits to taking harmful behavior seriously, people who care about girls’ healthy development struggle with the stereotypes that are created and forwarded with the concept of “mean girls.” Ask the teens to consider the negative side of this stereotype. What is assumed to motivate “mean girls?” If the teens said, “Boys!” then ask why is this aggression always kept among girls? Why are boys exempt from the aggression if it’s all about them? What are the negative effects of deciding that girls’ lives (and relative social power) center on boys?
   
   
5. Ask the teens to read “Junior High War Zone” by Lissette R. Jean-Marie, as well as the editor’s note. Ask the teens to write a one-sentence summary of her article. What point is she trying to get across?
   
   
6. Cyberbullying is another way young people act out their aggression. Ask the teens if they know what this is and whether or not they know how to stop it. (Note resources below.)

Resources

• “What is cyberbullying?” - www.girlshealth.gov/bullying/cyberbullying.htm
• Stories of relational aggression - www.opheliaproject.org/main/ra_stories.htm
• “What kids say about bullying” www.kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/school/poll_bullying.html

II. Problem Solving: Exploring Options, Giving Advice

The purpose of this activity is to ask teens to think about their behavior in relation to the concept of “mean girls,” and to consider practical solutions to make school or home a friendlier place for all girls.

1. Pass out copies of the Teen Voices’ quiz, “Mean Voices vs. Teen Voices: WHICH ONE ARE YOU?” Give the teens a few minutes to complete the quiz and read the results.
   
   
2. Next, ask the teens to use the reverse side of the quiz to write down an instance they either witnessed or participated in that qualifies as a “mean girl” situation. Encourage them to think of something that really, really bothered them that they haven’t discussed before. Tell them once they write it down, they can rip it up if they want, and that part of the exercise is to tell the truth about something they hadn’t been willing to in the past. If the teens don’t think they’ve ever had or witnessed such an experience (it could be a friend’s or a sister’s experience), tell them to make up something but to express true feelings about it either way.
   
   
3. Divide the teens into groups of about four or five. Issue them the challenge of coming up with a very brief one-act play to perform in front of their peers. They can create the premise – an instance of girls treating each other disrespectfully – and the object is to come up with a solution within the play. The whole performance shouldn’t last longer than five minutes. If they need help coming up with a premise, have them read “True Lies” by Ashley Strand.
   
   
4. After the groups perform their one-acts, discuss what concrete advice can be learned from the plays? Ask one teen to record a list of action steps for the group to see.
   
   
5. Ask one of the teens to read, “Be a Leader! Save our Sisterhood!” to the group. The recorder can add these tips to the list of action steps if she wants. Then ask the group to come up with at least three additional steps and write those down, too.
   
   
6. Close this series of activities by asking the teens to silently read the two poems, “The Current Too Strong” by Kate Fitzgerald and “Juntos Podemos” by Tanasia Barbosa-White. Give them a few extra minutes of silence to consider the importance of friendship and allegiance among young women.
   

III. Make a Historical and Global Connection: Changing Options

The purpose of this activity is to ask teens to consider the root causes of girls’ anger and whether or not young women get the support they need to end fighting among girls.

1. Let the teens know that you are going to pose a series of questions to help them explore the root causes of girls’ anger. Let them choose whether or not they’d like to respond in group discussion format or in writing to one or more of the questions:
   

   Who is the most typical victim of aggression by other girls? Is it the girl with the least social power, or a girl who challenges femininity? What makes her a safe target?
   
   What are the positive and healthy ways girls can discharge negative emotions?

   When girls or women use aggression to their benefit, say as characters in film and television, what (or who) are they usually fighting? Are they fighting other girls for viewer entertainment, or to transform society? (Think of Elle Woods in Legally Blond or Erin Brockovich – or better yet, ask the teens for examples.)
   
   Are the adults in your life modeling behavior on which to build a sisterhood? Are adults modeling trust in female relationships, especially the ones you need to effect social change?
   
   
2. According to Leah Darlymple, schools can do a better job of intervening when young people bully each other. Ask the teens to read, “No Punishment for the Crimes?” How does their school handle bullying? As a homework assignment, ask the teens to find out how their school takes disciplinary action against bullying behavior. Does the school have a written policy? If so, ask the teens to request a copy, read it, and summarize it for the group. Does she think it is fair?
   
   
3. Ask the teens to make a list of how their schools could improve how they handle aggression among teen girls. What can teachers do differently? What about principals? How can other teens make school a better place for all young women?
   
   
4. Are the teens aware of any peer mediation groups in or out of school? Is it something they would consider trying or starting? See the resources below for helping the teens understand some approaches to teen-led mediation.
   

Resources

• Web resources for community action - www.opheliaproject.org/main/resources_web_community.htm
• FAQ on conflict resolution - www.acrnet.org/about/CR-FAQ.htm

Have you used Guidance for Grown-ups with your class or teen group?
Tell us which ones you used and what kind of success you had with it. Did you put your own spin on it? Let us know.

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