I. The Answers to Your Questions

The purpose of this activity is to ask students to think critically about what defines virginity.

1. Let the teens know that today the group will discuss virginity. Because talking about sexuality in front of peers may be sensitive, reassure the teens that they can opt out of participation if necessary. Remind them that all opinions on the topic are valid and ask the teens to regard each opinion with respect.



2. Start by asking the teens to take out pencil and paper, and write a definition of virginity.



3. Using what they wrote, ask the teens to create a group definition of virginity. A volunteer can write the definition (and make changes to it) on a wipeboard in front of the group. How long does it take for the group to come to a consensus? How similar are their definitions? On what points do they disagree? Here are some aspects to consider when defining virginity: What constitutes "sex?" Why is kissing someone not enough to lose virginity? What kind of physical contact is required to lose virginity? Does the gender of the partner matter? What if someone was forced to have sex, is she/he still a virgin? Can virginity be reclaimed?



4. Next ask the teens to complete the following sentences as many times as they want, "A virgin is..." or "A virgin is someone who..." Tell them it's all right to be funny or serious. (A list could include, for example, A virgin is strong; A virgin is moral; A virgin is someone who always turns in her homework on time.) When they are finished, open the discussion to what is associated with virginity. How many of their sentences are positive associations? How many are negative? Explain that it may not be easy to categorize the associations since they are likely influenced by peer opinion.

II. Problem Solving: Exploring Options, Giving Advice

The purpose of this activity is to compare and contrast perceived influences on teens' choices about virginity with statistics.

1. Teen Voices' writer Lisa Abdilova, 15, lives in San Francisco and attends a Jewish high school. Ask the teens to read her article, "Is Virginity Worth It?" What (or who) does Abdilova perceive are the biggest factors influencing teen virginity? Answers and discussion could include: older guys (or girls), lack of will power, temptation, right person at the right time, smoking, drinking, staying out till three, boundaries, choice, purity. What other factors could affect this decision that Abdilova does not mention? Answers could include: lack of supervision at home, access to birth control, duration of relationship, religious faith, future plans.



2. Abdilova points to the older guy or older friend situation as one that especially threatens virginity. Do the teens in your group share this opinion? Review the following statistics reported by the Guttmacher Institute. Ask the teens to raise their hands after every stat that surprises them:

• By age 15, only 13 percent of teens have ever had sex. However, by the time they reach age 19, seven in 10 teens have engaged in sexual intercourse. Nearly half (46 percent) of all 15-19-year-olds in the United States have had sex at least once.
• The majority (59 percent) of sexually-experienced teen females had a first sexual partner who was 1-3 years their senior. Only 8 percent had first partners who were six or more years older.
• More than three-quarters of teen females report that their first sexual experience was with a steady boyfriend, a fiancé, a husband, or a cohabiting partner.
• Teens are waiting longer to have sex than they did in the past. Some 13 percent of females and 15 percent of males aged 15-19 in 2002 had had sex before age 15, compared with 19 percent and 21 percent, respectively, in 1995.

3. Abdilova equates being a virgin with youth, and having sex as part of growing up. She writes, "The 'virginity' I keep holding on to definitely separates me from being a 'mature teenager' and a 'young adult." Ask the teens to free-write for at least 5 minutes about a time they felt pressured to grow up too fast. Allow them to read their stories to the group if they want. What influences are common to their stories? How did they respond? Why do they have to grow up "too fast"?



4. Adults working in the field of teen sexuality believe that teens need to have adults they can turn to when they need to discuss these important choices. Ask the teens to think about whether or not they or their friends have places to turn for support, information, or guidance. Next share with them the following statistics from the Kaiser Family Foundation:

• One-quarter of teens ages 15 to 17 have not had discussions with a parent or guardian about how to say no to sex, or about birth control, condoms, or STDs.
• Among sexually active teens ages 15 to 17, only six in ten have ever seen a health care provider about their sexual health.

5. At the end of her article, Abdilova writes, "Although I may have lost a relationship with someone over sex, and I probably will again, it's important for me to look back on my first time with satisfaction and contentment, instead of disappointment and regret." Ask the teens to imagine that Abdilova is one of their closest friends. What would they say to her after she loses a relationship because of sex? Tell them to write her a note (or e-mail or TM) that they would send to her as soon as they found out.

Resources

• "Facts on American Teens' Sexual and Reproductive Health," Guttmacher Institute, September 2006 — www.guttmacher.org
• "Sexual Health Statistics for Teenagers and Young Adults in the United States," Kaiser Family Foundation, September 2006 www.kff.org

III. Make a Historical and Global Connection: Changing Options

The purpose of this activity is to inform teens about current movements that promote abstinence and purity both in the United States and abroad

1. The U.S.-based True Love Waits has drafted a pledge for teens to take to promise abstinence to both God and their family. Ask the teens to read the pledge here www.lifeway.org and discuss why they think so many teens have made this pledge. Next, ask them to write ten reasons why they would or would not take it themselves.



2. Similar to True Love Waits, The Silver Ring Thing also has a pledge here www.silverthing.com Give the teens time to compare and contrast these two pledges as well as the websites of the organizations. What similarities do they notice? Can one be a part of these movements without making a purchase?



3. Ask the teens if they think the question of virginity differs for young women and young men. Does one group have more at stake when deciding to have sex?



4. What do they know about the value of virginity in cultures around the world? In just one example, ask the students to read about 'testing' female virginity in South Africa here www.news.bbc.co.uk. How valid could such a test be? Teens can find another point of view on the topic here www.wwhr.org



5. Beliefs about virginity, purity, and sexuality are intertwined with beliefs about religion, gender, race, and more, throughout history. Ask each teen to think of three historic moments or figures that may relate to today's attitudes about virginity.

Resources

• LifeWay's True Love Waits program www.lifeway.com
• The Silver Ring Thing www.silverthing.com
• Women for Women's Human Rights www.wwhr.org

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