Taking the Lead on Autism Awareness
 Alexandra Abend and T.G.I.F. Team
Teen Voices: Could you tell us a little about the Autism Family Night that you created?
Alexandra Abend: Before attending Take the Lead, I came up with the idea with my family because I have a brother who has autism. We were talking about what families who were affected by autism would need, things like going out to dinner without feeling stigmatized by other people or going to an amusement park and being able to go on the rides without having people look at you like, "Why is your child acting so weird? Why can't they stand still?"
When I went to Take the Lead, they helped me put my project in motion. I decided to pick a chain restaurant, T.G.I. Friday's, and start out with Autism Family Night. And I really only thought that I would get, like, five of the T.G.I. Friday's restaurants to go along with it, but I started getting in contact with all of the general managers, and it picked up so quickly that all the general managers jumped on it. I got in touch with the vice president of the organization on the east coast, and he helped me even further to make the project a bigger success. It basically was a lot of work to get all of the people in the 35 T.G.I. Friday's restaurants in New Jersey to know what autism is. So I educated the staff, I sent them a letter saying what to expect with autistic children, what to do in certain situations, so that if the child is freaking out to get the family's check a little bit quicker than they would normally do, or play the music a little softer. Even though they can't quiet down the whole room, it's nice for them to have it as quiet as they can so the children don't freak out.
Teen Voices: Was this the project you sent in on your Take the Lead application, or did it change?
Alexandra:I had started another project with my dad six years ago, a sports clinic for children with special needs. We teach children with special needs how to play soccer, basketball, and baseball, and so I talked about that in my Take the Lead essay. I had to write two different essays, one about what I had done and background, and another one was what your ideas would be for a future action project. So, I talked about the sports clinic, and how I was able to work with other children who have special needs, like my brother, and give them self-confidence and more self-esteem, and reintegrate them back into the recreational leagues. I knew how much work it would be because I had done the sports clinic for so long that I knew how to organize it, and it was a lot of the same things that I needed in this activism project.
Teen Voices: What do you think teens need to know about autism to understand it better?
Alexandra: It's a mental disorder that's difficult on the entire family and not only the child. As a sibling, it's really difficult to live with someone that has autism because, depending on how severe the autism, it's not like having a normal brother or sister that you can always play with. They might not want to play with you or they don't communicate as well, and they don't always show love, and you don't really fight with them like a normal sibling. There are a lot of emotions that come attached with having a sibling with autism that most people don't feel. It's always a surprise; you're always on your toes when you're living with someone with autism. It's unpredictable. You don't know whether they're going to be happy one minute or angry the next or upset or lashing out. They could be having a great day, and then you decide to go to a restaurant and then they just have a moment where they aren't as happy as they were two seconds ago. They start pulling your hair, biting, or just banging their hand and you'll feel embarrassed for them. You don't really feel embarrassed, it's just that you don't want it to happen and you don't know how to stop it. And it's very frustrating to watch it and not be able to do anything about it.
Teen Voices: What happens on a typical Autism Family Night?
Alexandra: Autism Family Night is a way for families to be able to eat out without feeling stigmatized by the rest of the community, so they would be able to have a relaxing family dinner. There was nothing too special about it, we didn't want to make it something that excluded the rest of the families who didn't have children with autism, because then it would almost lose its point, which was to spread awareness about autism. It was a mixture of families, some with autistic children, some without, some just going out to eat on a Tuesday night. The staff was aware of what was going on and they made the families feel more comfortable there. They weren't giving the families looks, the families were able to eat with their child, which they don't normally get to do. So it was something that was unusual but that they should be able to do, because everyone should be able to go out to dinner as a family.
Teen Voices: Did you encounter any resistance or difficulty while trying to set up the program?
Alexandra: Originally, when I was calling all of the general managers, it was difficult to get through to them at first because I was only 16 and they would think I was some person randomly calling and coming up with some random idea, so they wouldn't put me through. So I asked my dad for help, and he obviously sounded more mature than I did, and then they just put him right through. So it was kind of helpful to get a foot in the door, and then I would talk to the general managers and they would listen.
Teen Voices: What kind of help did you have in setting up the program? Were other teens involved?
Alexandra: I go to an all-girls school, so I told the girls at my school about my project and I asked for a couple of volunteers to help me send out a flyer and a cover letter that I made up for the 158 special schools in New Jersey. So we had a day where, during any of their free periods, students would come and stuff the envelopes and stamp them, and they got community service hours for it. It was actually really nice because I felt like my school was being very involved in what I was doing and giving me a lot of support.
Teen Voices: What steps did you take to publicize the event?
Alexandra: I contacted COSAC, (Center for Outreach and Services for the Autism Communty) which is a New Jersey organization for outreach about autism. I asked them to put Autism Family Night on their website calendar and they helped me with that, and they put the flyer up. I also contacted Autism Speaks, which is a national organization, and they put me up on their website.
I still felt like I wasn't reaching as many people as I really should, so that's when I talked to my school and had them help me send out all the flyers and cover letters to special schools, and speech therapy places to request them to send the flyer out to their families. So that really, really helped, because that's when I started receiving hundreds and hundreds of e-mails from families all over New Jersey about how the project is so needed. Then at the event there were a lot of news reporters. Channel 11 News did a story on it, The New York Times did a story on it, and Time Magazine just did a story on it, so it's still going and is helping spread awareness about autism.
Teen Voices: What kind of response did you get from the local community?
Alexandra: I got an amazing amount of e-mails. There were over 300 e-mails from families across New Jersey saying how much the project was really needed and asking me to resend the flyer to more people who wanted to know about the project. I got a couple e-mails from people out of state wondering if it was in their state, and I felt really bad because I didn't do it in any state besides New Jersey. There was an overwhelming amount of support from families affected with autism, and they were excited to be able to eat out without feeling embarrassed that their child was going to lash out. I actually got one handwritten letter from a family with a picture of their child. The child wrote a thank you card which was a colored-in rainbow and wrote thank you and his name, and it was really, really touching. All the e-mails touched me so much.
Teen Voices: Are there any other similar projects that you're interested in pursuing?
Alexandra: I'm going to be continuing Autism Family Night and will start it up again in April. Hopefully, next year I'll pass it off to someone else because I'll be in college and it would be really difficult to do. Hopefully, I'll give it to a major organization that will be able to give it a lot of time, because I would really like it to expand to something bigger than it already is now. Hopefully, more restaurants will pick up on it. I'm still involved in sports clinics and still teaching children how to play sports. I'm always involved in that type of stuff in the community and will be because of my brother.
Teen Voices: Is there a way for interested teens to get involved with this project? Could they hold their own AFNs?
Alexandra: Yes, it doesn't take much to go to a small, little restaurant that's not even a chain restaurant and say, "Hey, could you host an Autism Family Night?" It's not that difficult really. And it's just so needed because it's never really happened before. There're always ways to get involved. The Autism Speaks website has a lot of stuff on it; it will always give people something to do. Raising awareness is also something that is really needed.
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