What is obsessive-compulsive disorder?
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a neurological brain disorder in which a person has uncontrollable upsetting thoughts, fears, or worries. A person with OCD may perform ritual activities to reduce anxiety. Frequent disturbing thoughts or images are called obsessions, and repeated rituals are called compulsions. OCD is related to an imbalance of a chemical in the brain called serotonin that regulates mood, sleep, vomiting, sexual urges, and appetite.
- Examples of typical obsessions: fear of dirt, germs, or contamination; fear of acting on violent or aggressive impulses; feeling overly responsible for the safety of others; offensive religious and sexual thoughts; unreasonable concern with order or symmetry.
- Examples of typical compulsions: excessive washing (particularly hand washing and bathing); cleaning; checking things such as relocking doors and making sure the lights and stove are off; repetitive actions such as touching, counting, arranging, or hoarding.
 
My Obsessive Secret
Nina Nielepko, 17
California
"Mommy, is my face dirty?" My obsessive-compulsive disorder started out innocently enough. Just another little girl who wanted to look pretty before going out the door. By fourth grade I couldn't open a door without pulling the sleeve of my sweatshirt over my hands, because I refused to touch the handle for fear of germs. I washed my hands about every five minutes, or whenever I got nervous or uncomfortable.
My mom noticed that something was seriously wrong when my hands became so dry from the constant washing that they would bleed. After consulting my pediatrician, my mom set up an appointment for me with a psychiatrist* who specialized in children with OCD. I still remember the tantrum I had. I took to my bed, hiding under the covers and crying. What did they think I was, crazy? But I finally agreed (sniffling and bleary-eyed) to go when my mom promised to reward me with a parakeet.
The first session was stressful and awkward for me, but my mom managed, somehow, to keep getting me to go. The psychiatrist had me do things I would never do on my own. I smeared glue on my hands and waited an hour to wash them. I dropped popcorn on the floor and then ate it. I touched a toilet seat. I touched a door handle. I sat on a chair after someone I didn't know had sat there. The sessions began to work. That and the antidepressant* my psychiatrist prescribed.
So my OCD took a hiatus*. From fifth to sixth grade, it hardly bothered me at all. Then, about halfway through sixth grade I started getting disturbing thoughts. I worried that I would commit suicide by jumping off my balcony. I worried that I would start doing drugs. But worst of all, I thought that I would kill my mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, and everyone else I loved. None of these thoughts made sense. But at that time, I didn't realize this. OCD has a way of making you believe whatever it wants. It made me believe I was an awful, violent girl. I told my mom all my fears and cried on her lap. My aunt, who is a psychologist*, identified these thoughts as a return of my OCD. I couldn't go to school for two weeks because my mom had to constantly reassure me that I was not a murderer and I wasn't going to hurt anyone. It took a while, but finally a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy* and an increased dosage of antidepressant allowed me to lead a normal life again.
So the OCD went into hibernation, this time for a few months. Next, OCD plagued me about my weight—something that is sensitive to most teen girls. At this point, I was a bit chubby, like many girls going through puberty, but I didn't realize that it was normal. Or rather, my OCD didn't. Small comments would take on a new meaning as my OCD twisted them to hurt me. "You're a little above the average weight for your age." Turned into, "You fat, ugly girl!"
So, I was launched headlong into an eating disorder. Eventually my OCD and my eating disorder became so intertwined that I couldn't tell which was which. I have been hospitalized twice as a result of my eating disorder, and now I am learning that beating it is much like beating OCD. My new psychiatrist helped me through sorting out the reasonable thoughts from the unreasonable ones.
Now, seven years after my battle with OCD began, you wouldn't know I had it to look at me. It is my secret. True, my OCD still hovers over me, especially when it comes to eating normally. But I have learned to dismiss its attacks as illogical. It will never leave me, and it may get better or worse later on in my life, but now I have the weapons to fight it with, and if it attacks, I'll put up a good fight.
*Psychiatrist: a doctor who diagnoses and treats mental disorders and can prescribe medicine
*Hiatus: a break or gap in time
*Psychologist: a specialist who treats emotional and mental problems with therapy instead of medicine
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