My Confessions
Natalie Yasmine Fequiere, 16
New York
These are my confessions, words that reflect my pain,
Secrets that I've kept bottled up and slowly drive me insane.
From the first day I met him, he left me breathless and my heart began to race,
I knew I'd fallen in love with him from the second I laid eyes on his face.
He gave me my first kiss and even took my virginity,
Lord only knows how much he meant to me.
I moaned "I love you" softly and truly felt it in my heart,
I anxiously counted each and every minute we were apart.
I thought I found someone who loved me, someone who really cared,
I used to lie awake at night thinking of the special moments we shared.
He was beyond perfect, everything I could have wished for and more,
And the feelings I had for him I never felt so strongly before.
For the first couple of months he was perfect, everything I'd ever need.
Then my life began to fall apart after I announced I was carrying his seed.
I turned to him for support but he turned his back on me and left me all alone.
Only 16 years old and pregnant, left to deal with it on my own.
I didn't understand how he could despise something that was a part of him, our creation.
I had too much pride to crawl back begging for help, despite my desperation.
A child doesn't deserve another child for its mother.
I wanted my child to have a stable home with two parents who loved each other.
Abortion was the decision I made, though I wanted with all my heart for my baby to live.
But the fact of the matter remained that what my unborn child would need, I could not give.
Foolishly I let him back into my life after all he put me through.
I knew his words were pure lies but I wanted so much for them to be true.
I was suspicious of him cheating and was proven to be right.
He denied it and I lay awake and cried myself to sleep that night.
Hurting inside I was tired of the rumors and his constant lies.
He took away my pride and made me feel like my worth was between my thighs.
One day I arrived at his doorstep with a letter that had been addressed to me.
It was a letter from my doctor, unfortunately, I had an STD.
I was crying and trembling while he read the letter, slow and calm.
I stood nervously biting on my lips and rubbing my sweaty palms.
When he finally looked up from the letter his reaction was nothing close to what I expected.
He began to laugh, but remained cool and collected.
He said it was my problem, that I was the one with the disease.
It was amazing the way he lied with ignorance and ease.
That was the day I realized my heart had taken more grief than it could possibly sustain.
And that by loving him, I had lost far more than I had gained.
Never had I felt such hatred as I snatched back the letter and silently walked away,
But now I know my heart will not be defeated today.
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Can you relate to what these writers say about dependency? Have you ever had to struggle with maintaining your independence in a relationship?
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For More Information
•Ditch That Jerk: Dealing With Men Who Hurt And Control Women, by Pamela Jayne
•GirlWise: How to Be Confident, Capable, Cool, and in Control, by Julia Devillers
•National Domestic Violence Hotline,
1-800-799-SAFE
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