Selling Out or Working My Way Out?
Ariel,17
Tennessee
In the early years of my life, I grew up as one of the kids at a predominantly white pre-school. I acquired many friends, had many learning
experiences, learned the basics, and grew into myself. My identity was developing. Later, when I entered public school for first grade,
I experienced "the other side," and I found out I knew very little about my own culture or about the real world. I had been sheltered
from experiences—some good, some not so good—that continue to shape me into the person I will some day become.
The positive things I learned from public school were the importance of knowing who I am and where I come from, and just how rich and
positive my African American culture really is. The negative experiences included being six years old and having to walk through a metal
detector just to get into school, being held up for my book store money by older kids, and having to sit through classes learning very
little new information. After eight months, I returned to private school to finish the first grade.
Throughout elementary school, I continued to grow academically. I acquired a new friend who had the same cultural background as me who gave
me a sense of security to know that I was not in this fight alone. I realized I could get an education and still remain "a strong black woman"
by stepping out of the shelter of the private school life, but at the same time, keeping my own identity. Having a friend of my own race—though
in a different grade—gave me someone to talk to about my feelings, someone to hang out with, and someone to help me confirm my culture within
a private school setting.
Moving into middle school opened up a whole new set of experiences for me. Though separated by grades, my friend and I were determined
to be united. Puberty was a big step in our lives because that meant we were maturing into young black women in a school which did not
afford us the opportunity to engage in the normal social opportunities of having young black males in our classes. But socially, I continued
to grow by availing myself of other social arenas that allowed me to experience all the aspects of a multicultural environment.
Upon graduating from middle school, there were two roads to choose from. Would I continue down the road of private education or would I
choose the road of public education? Many factors would help me in making this decision. The private school advantage was that I knew I
could get a good education to be whatever I wanted to be in life. Or, I could choose public school, which would offer me life experience
with the opportunity of some academic challenge, and a tremendous culture. Where do these two roads cross? Do they ever become one?
While growing up, my friends and family sometimes misunderstood my ability to be myself in both worlds as one person. Sometimes I was teased by
people I thought loved me. It hurt my feelings to know that people could be so insensitive to someone who was only trying to be the best person
they could be. Not selling out, not giving up who I was, but building on the positive things from both worlds makes me who I am today: smart,
talented, young, strong, a black woman growing up in trying times in an unsure world, always striving to be the best of me.
Each person has to make the decision for herself about what is important. You need to figure out the things you can change, the things you can't
change, and how you can make a difference noticeable to all. I appreciate what I have been blessed with: a quality education, a rich cultural
life, a loving environment, and the opportunity to rise above differences. And that big question of "Am I selling out or just working my way out?"
To that I say, I am joining these two roads, not "selling out," but working with both sides to be the me God wants me to be.
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Have you ever felt pulled in different directions by your family, culture, school, or neighbors? How did that feel?
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